To Have Loved and Lost
by xKumax
Summary: Everything you have is falling apart and everyone you love seems like the enemy. Ai has been brainwashed by the Foot, believing that the turtles he's faced with are the opposition. Karm has to help, but are her and Raph over for good?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Oh _sofu._"

She fell to her knees in front of him. The old scarred man reached out with his gnarled hands but she roughly pushed them away. She was literally shaking in her shell and as she looked up to him, her eyes were wide and wild, like an animal trapped. He shook also. The fear that radiated from her spread to him and he was frightened to reach back to her again.

"_Sofu, _something terrible has happened, Ai-", her voice cracked, "Ai has been manipulated. He's Shredder's pawn, I can't-I can't save him."

Violent sobs racked her body.

"Innen…" but Shinji couldn't finish his words. He couldn't say anything.

Karma closed her eyes, but the vision of Ai snarling and trembling was imprinted on her eyelids. She remembered how he nearly tore away from the arms of Leonardo and Michelangelo, screaming and cursing her. That wasn't her brother, that wasn't him at all.

"I don't know what to do."

Forcing his old knees to bend, he knelt next to her and managed to prise one of her dead cold hands open. The warmth of his hand spread to hers eventually as they knelt together.

"I-I shouldn't have come. I've endangered you grandfather, I'm sorry."

"_Kame, _my little _kame_… I will do anything for you. Do not worry for my safety, let me worry for yours. What has happened to Ai?"

She sighed, trying desperately to pull herself together.

"A lot has happened…" she began.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

This may be longer than the chapter itself, so I apologise.

I've had a hectic 12 months, involving losing all the stuff from my old laptop, including my old TMNT chapters and switching Universities, so, I'm sorry, so very sorry :( I've been a bad author.

The good news is that I'm back and will be writing again. I really don't know what direction this will take, my muse is very fickle, and I may be slow with chapters as I have Uni work, but I aim to upload at least once a week. Hold me to that?

If you're still interested in Karm et al in any way, then hi :) She's back.

Hope you're all doing good, and that I hear off you soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes:

I apologise that chapter 2 comes very late, but I have struggled with it so much. I hope that it turns out okay, even if it's not as I thought it would.

Leo is out of character, I know that much, but after what he's been through, I don't think he could have coped as Fearless Leader for much longer. He needed to vent and well, you'll see.

I hope you enjoy it :)

Chapter 2

He started towards her hesitantly. She looked up from where she'd sunk into the sofa in a heap, and didn't see her leader. There was something in his eyes too close to defeat and his blue mask, that famous symbol of who he was and what he stood for, had been ripped away. He tried to speak, but his voice broke.

"He… that's not him!" She spoke with the last ounce of defiance that she owned, "That's not my brother, that's a… monster!"

Her words stunned the air between them and shunned away any connection that may have formed. With a sigh, he slumped his shoulders and nodded.

"I know." He managed hoarsely.

Karm shook with anger, "This is her, this is all her doing. Is she not happy until she's taken everything? Well I hope she's fucking happy now, because she has."

He saw her tearing past him in a fury, and her heard her door quake on its hinges, and her felt her hurt, her pain, yet he did nothing. He could _do _nothing.

Leonardo blamed it all on himself, because it's what he was used to, but it didn't make things any easier for him. The final choice, _his _choice, was to cage Ai up like an animal in the Lair where Professor Honeycutt and Leatherhead resided. It was his choice which meant that Ai was sedated by Don and put in the same cage that the good turtle had once been prisoner to. It was because of him that he had to endanger his good friends for the sake of his family to an uncontrollable abomination and make Don relive the time he was caged, when he had become a risk to his own family. And he hated it.

A dark brooding presence was bothering the doorway to the Lair. As he finally moved into the light, his amber ages gleamed with rage and he stalked towards his prey. He'd become inpatient, and pounced suddenly and viciously.

"Nice one, _Fearless._"

Leo had been expecting it but he still froze with the cold voice. Resigning himself to his fate and with a sigh, he moved to the sofa and collapsed.

"What do you want, Raph?"

"I know what the hell I don't want; all this freakin' bullshit."

"And I guess you're blaming me for all of this?"

"And why the hell wouldn't I?"

The oldest turtle was tired. He'd apprehended this very same conversation, and he knew he shouldn't let it bother him, but he was so very tired of everything. His normally kind brown orbs darkened dangerously, and if Raph had seen, even he would have backed off. His anger had been bubbling calmly at the surface for some time now, and when he finally let lose, he was frightening calm. Without turning to face his brother, he retorted.

"Because I wasn't the one who kissed Kibou."

Raph stepped back in disbelief, "What the h-"

"Was that everything?"

But, as usual, the red-banded turtle just couldn't resist.

"Nah, jus' one li'l thing… tell yer girlfriend Karai, thanks fer the present, but it's a bit early fer Christmas."

"Get out."

"What'sa matter? Don't like me callin' her yer girl? Maybe ya'd prefer mine instead?"

He was on him before he even knew it, shoving his weight into his plastron and looking at him with burning eyes. Knowing he'd won, Raph grinned.

"C'mon then! That all ya got?"

He let a punch land him squarely on the jaw before he decided it was time to fight back. Their ninjitsu was lost on them as they wrestled each other to the ground, pulling and punching each other in an animalistic way. Leo had Raph trapped to the floor when the shouting began to register. His rational thought was screaming at him but he just couldn't stop; he pulled his fist back and struck again.

"Raph! Leo! What the hell dudes?"

Mikey was desperately pulling at them when Don walked in, assessed the severity of the situation and jumped into the fray of it. Struggling, they pulled Leo off Raph but he was still trying to pull away from them, still wanting to fight, his chest heaving with anger.

"You're not my brother!"

The emerald skinned turtle stumbled to his feet and wiped blood away from his brow, not knowing if it was his or not. He looked between his bewildered younger siblings and his seething older brother.

"Yer outta control Leo, get a hold of yerself!" He winced as he touched his split lip, "Jeez, I didn't think ya were gonna pummel me, ya really lost it."

"You pushed me! Like you always do!"

"Leo," Don was trying to support his trembling frame, "this is insane, stop."

His brown eyes welled up and he fell to his knees. Nothing made sense to him, nothing felt real. Mikey hovered nervously, not knowing what to do to help, as Don crouched down beside him desperate to help.

"No, this isn't fair, why do you all blame me? Why do you always blame me?"

"We don't."

Raph caught the sharp look from Don as he spoke. He sunk back a little, his anger dissipating and realisation of his mistakes finally hitting him.

"It's okay dude, it's not you. Y-you do lots for us bro, really… and maybe we're not as grateful as we should be huh?"

There was a long silence as Michelangelo's words sunk in.

Leo found himself suddenly being pulled to his feet and hugged tightly. He rested his hurting head on Raph's shoulder, grateful for comfort, regardless of who it came from.

"Look I'm a jackass, I get it, but did ya really hafta spoil my good looks?"

They both chuckled slightly.

"I love ya bro. M'sorry."

He whispered it but didn't care if Mikey and Don heard. Leo grasped Raph's shell tightly and nodded into him, feeling that's all he was capable of.

"I'd hate to spoil your make-up session, but we've got bigger problems right now."

"Bigger is the key word dude."

"But first, I better patch you up Raph, you're looking a bit worse for wear."

"Heh," he grinned a little, "I guess I met my match huh?"

Leo rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, about to apologise when Raph cut in.

"I was askin' fer it, don't ever bother to apologise."

He wandered off to get his wounds seen to, whilst the youngest and oldest brothers stood, looking entirely lost. Their big empty home was dwarfing them, swallowing them whole.

"Mikey… how bad is it?"

"I'm impressed dude, you pummelled Raph without a scratch!"

He raised an eye ridge, "that's not what I meant."

"Oh. Erm, yeah, it's pretty screwed Leo. He's out cold, but you've seen the size of him, that don't mean anything."

"Is that cage gonna hold him?"

"It held Donny when he went wacko, remember?"

Leo sighed, "I know, but this is different, Mikey. Don was… he wasn't himself, it was the bug bite, it turned him savage, but Ai's been trained. He's bloodthirsty."

"…What should we do?"

"Honestly? I don't know."

They shuffled uncertainly, waiting for the return of their brothers, hoping that they could fix this somehow when the emptiness was broken by a frantic Kibou and Meiyo thundering down the stairs.

"Woah, what's up dudettes?"

"Michelangelo, she is not with you?"

"Rai? No Meiyo, I thought she was with you."

Kibou held her held and cursed in Japanese whilst Meiyo stifled a small sob. Leo took one look at them both before assessing their thoughts.

"She's gone to see him, hasn't she?"

"We are afraid so," Meiyo took Kibou's hand, "She will be okay, he is her brother-"

"No! Meiyo, that is not Ai! Ai would never... he would never hurt a fly, but he- you saw what he was like-"

"Come on, we'll go find her. She'll be okay, Leatherhead will be with her."

Mikey and Kibou took off, speeding through the doorway and as Leo was about to follow, a cold hand touched his arm. He turned back and Meiyo held out his mask.

"I stitched it up again, I am sorry that he... ripped it."

He managed a meek smile, "Thank you."

She avoided his eye, nodded quickly and followed after her sister. The oldest turtle held the blue ribbon of fabric, examining the delicate and barely visible stitching above the left eye hole before carefully tying it around his head. He breathed in deeply, and headed towards the Lair door.

An old pair of eyes had been watching from afar throughout the whole catastrophe. His tail flicked in thought, slightly agitated at the chaos surrounding him, but as he watched his oldest son replace his mask, he knew that there was little he could do. Their family was in safe hands, under a new sensei. The old rat had sensed this day for a long time, and now that it was finally here, he felt more saddened than he thought he would, but as he hobbled towards his bed, he knew that it'd come at the right time.

"I am too old for such games now..." Splinter spoke into the open air confirming his fears, "Much too old. I know you will do me proud, Leonardo."

He closed his eyes, hoping that his meditative state would come easily.


End file.
